For the last time ever
by theuncaffeinatedbitch
Summary: Dan can't take it anymore and makes the biggest decision of his life. Will Phil be able to safe him on time?


**Dan's POV.**

My whole life has been a hell. From the age of three until now all I remember is going through beating, bullying and abusing. But right now, this point must have been the worst ever. My own feet almost couldn't carry my weight anymore and I stumbled through the hallway to my dorm room. Drops of blood fell down on the floor, leaving evident of where I had been. My hand hit the wall when I lost my balance and when I looked up I saw the bloody handprint on the white walls. I didn't even care anymore. I tried to stable myself by shuffling along the wall until I reached my room. With shaking hands and a brain that didn't function properly anymore I managed to turn the lock. I literally fell into my room and whilst lying between my bed and my desk I pushed the door with my foot until I heard the familiar click of closing. I rested my head on the cold floor and closed my eyes. The dizziness started to take over and my world was spinning around me, making me feel sick.

They went to far this time. They didn't stop after a few hits and kicks like they usually did. After I was curled up in a ball on the grass outside the building they kept on kicking me. After a while I didn't feel it anymore, but I knew they were still there, repeatedly connecting their feet with the side of my head. I didn't cry, I didn't scream, I just silently wished they would stop before it was too late. And they did. I don't know what made them stop, but all of a sudden they were gone, leaving me behind bleeding as hell.

I stroke my face with my fingers, hissing at the pain in my head. I could feel the blood dripping down my face. I knew I looked like hell and I knew it would at least last for days. Yet again I had to avoid any face-to-face contact with Phil, my only friend in this world. I knew it would break his heart not seeing me for at least a week, but I had no choice. He couldn't find out what was happening to me and what I had to go through almost every day.

I didn't want him to worry about me. I was not worth it.

**Phil's POV.**

_This is Dan. I'm not here right know. Please leave a message and I will call you back as soon as possible._

'Dan, please pick up the phone. Where are you? I'm worried. Please'

Frustrated I threw my phone on my bed and started to pace around my room. Why didn't he pick up his phone? Dan always carried his phone around everywhere he went. Even if he had to go to the supermarket across the street he would take his phone with him, just in case someone needed him. But now I tried to call him for the last two hours and he didn't pick up. He didn't answer any of my texts and had last been online four hours ago. He wasn't in college, as it was 8 p.m. and I was pretty sure he wasn't at a party as he wasn't much of a party animal and it was a Wednesday for Christ sake! We always used to Skype on Wednesdays and he always looked forward to it. And so did I. Why wasn't he online yet? I checked Skype again but his status was still on offline.

The reason I was so worried was because this wasn't the first time. It happened before, a few weeks ago. I couldn't reach him by phone, text or Internet and just as I sat in my car to go see him he called me back. He sounded horrible and he could barely talk. He told me he was ill and he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. He apologised before hanging up and I just sat in my car, deciding if I should go and be there for him or just leave him like he asked me to. I chose the last option and went back into my house again, thinking he probably had the flue or something, so it was the best if I stayed away from him in case he would infect me. And I was a terrible person when I was sick.

A few days later he called me to say he was feeling fine again and if I wanted to Skype. Of course I said yes, but when he appeared on the screen I was a bit shocked. He had a bruise on his cheek and his eyes were watery and red. After I asked what happened he just waved it away by saying he walked into a door in the middle of the night when he had too much to drink at some guy's party. I believed him, as he always had been a very clumsy person - he could even stumble over his own feet if he didn't watch out were he was going - but the imagine of his bruised face didn't leave my head.

And right now it was back in my head again. His swollen cheek, the red eyes and the yellowish blue bruise... What if he didn't get it from walking into a door? What if someone else - another human being - gave him the bruise? I shivered at the idea. Why would somebody want to hurt him? He was such a nice and loveable guy and I couldn't imagine he would do something to make other people hate him that much.

Alright, that's it, I thought as I got up. I need to go and check on him. If its nothing then we can have a nice and fun evening together and if something is going on then... I really didn't want to think about that. Stay positive, Phil, I thought to myself as I got in my car. He is perfectly fine. He probably fell asleep and forgot about the regular Skype call.

But as I drove away I felt deep down something was wrong and I didn't know why. I just needed to get there as soon as possible.

**Dan's POV.**

At this point tears were running down my face. It were silent tears, but that didn't mean I was feeling less sad. I had a feeling I never felt before. Sure, I had been crying before about everything that happened to me, but this time it was different. It was like I couldn't stop it anymore. Usually the thought of Phil and the things we have done together made me feel happy and loved again, but now only dark and depressed thoughts filled my head.

_You're useless._  
_Nobody cares about you._  
_Everybody hates you._  
_Why do you even bother to live? You're not worth it to breath._

I closed my eyes and tried to get rid off the voices in my head, but as I did they only started to speak louder and more clearly.

_Don't deny it. You know it's true._  
_Don't you even think somebody cares about you._  
_Phil? He doesn't like you. Of course he doesn't. You're useless._

In a flashback I experienced all the times I've been beaten up and abused. Not only by the people at school, but also my parents. I didn't have a youth. I didn't grow up to become a guy with dreams he wanted to fulfil. I grow up to be a guy that gets beaten up by everybody he ran into. The images of my father's face filled with anger and disappointment, the hateful laughing of my classmates when they pushed me down on the floor and the hateful words my mother yelled at me were getting too much. This needed to stop. I needed to stop it.

Who was I even kidding?

I was the one that needed to stop. Stop living to be precisely, so I couldn't bother anyone with my existence anymore. That was the only way to make it better for everyone...

**Phil's POV.**

Out of nowhere a feeling of anxiety overwhelmed me. At that point I knew for sure something was wrong. It was like I could feel what Dan was feeling at the moment and if it was like that I knew he was scared. He was scared about something and it broke my heart. He shouldn't feel scared. He was supposed to be happy and full of life, but what I felt right know wasn't joy or happiness. It was sadness. Uncontrollable sadness.

I made the car go faster, not caring about the speeding tickets I would probably receive in a couple of days. Like a maniac I crossed onto the parking place of the university. I jumped out of my car and forgot to lock it as I ran inside the building. I didn't care. Nobody would steal my crappy Fiat.

Room 32. Where the fuck is room 32? I started to panic as I turned left into another hallway. Right that moment my heart stopped beating. I saw drops of blood on the floor, from the beginning until door number 32. Bloody handprints covered the wall. I immediately saw they were Dan's, because they matched my height and he was just as tall as I was. I ran across the hallway and banged my fists on the door.

'Dan! Open up!'

I didn't get a response. I listen at the door and heard a heavy breathing. He was in there! What happened to him that was unable to open the door?

But what if he doesn't want to open the door, a little voice in my head said.

No, I yelled back in my head, feeling a bit stupid for doing that. He wants to open the door, he's just not capable of doing it at the moment. I ruffled my fists on the door once again. When I still didn't get a response I turned around and ran back to the front desk. Out of breath if slammed my hands on the desk, making the old lady that sat behind it jump up.

'Key. Room 32' I gasped. 'I need the key to room 32, now!'

'Room number 32?' The old lady checked something in her computer.

It took her so long I started to get mad. 'Just give me the damn key! My friend needs help!'

'Your friend, Daniel Howell?'

'Yes!' I yelled, louder then I wanted actually. She started to get on my nerves. Why didn't she see I needed to get to him, like right now?

'Howell?' I heard a guy's voice laugh behind me. 'That twat actually has a friend? It sucks to be you, mate'

I didn't respond. That was probably the guy that made Dan's life a living hell here. The life he didn't tell me about...

I snatched the key out of the woman's hand when she held it up, shouted at her she needed to call an ambulance and sprinted back to Dan's room. My hands were shaking so it took me three times to out the key in the lock. Goddamnit, Phil, I thought to myself, keep it together! No time to stress out now. It finally turned and I swung the door open.

There he was. Lying on his bed, face down. His pillow was covered in blood that was dripping from the cuts on his face. But I didn't look at his face. His wrists got my attention. Three deep cuts from one side to another were bleeding like crazy. A shimmering knife lay on the floor next to the bed, his hand hanging close to it, like he didn't have the strength anymore to hold the knife and just dropped it on the floor.

Was he still breathing? I couldn't see from where I was standing, so I moved closer to the bed. My heart was beating really fast and I could feel the blood rush through my veins. I was so scared, I couldn't even describe what I was feeling. I had never felt like this. Sure, I got scared when we watched a horror movie together, but this was totally different. This was Dan. Not some kind of shitty actor that got killed by a flying shark with claws and wings that could magically live without being in water.

I stared at the body of my friend that was more dead then alive. I sank down on my knees and placed my hands on his shoulders. He felt so cold, even through his shirt. I softly turned him around, trying not to hurt him. He left out a soft groan when I did this, making my heart skip a beat - he was still alive. I pressed his duvet against his wrist, trying to make the bleeding stop.

'Dan, open your eyes, please' I whispered.

His eyelids moved a bit and he slowly opened his eyes. He looked at me and I could see his eyes were dark. Not the usual light brown colour, which shined when he laughed. They were dark brown, almost black, and the white around it was red. It made me realise how much blood he must have lost in the last couple of hours.

'What were you doing, buddy? Leaving me here all alone?'

I stroked his cheek with my thumb, carefully avoiding the bruises, and I tried to make him feel comfortable again. His eyes glanced up at me and he tried to smile, but only ended up in moving the side of his lips. That was more then enough for me, just knowing he heard me. I looked at his face and I felt tears run down my face. The idea of him getting through all this and experiencing the bullying every single day by people you normally should like made me feel very small. Even if he had told me I couldn't do anything to stop it, but I could have tried to make his life slightly better. I've always wanted to ask him if he wanted to move in with me, but I thought he might think it was a weird question and the fact that I thought he had a good time here made me never ask. Now I hated myself for not manning up and just ask him the goddamn question. Look where you are now, I thought while I let my tears go. I could've helped you. I could have made your life slightly better by taking you out of here. But no, I didn't dare to ask you the most simple question ever and look at you now...

I stroke my thumb along bis cheek and with my other hand I pressed the duvet against his bleeding wrist. Where was that ambulance? Come on, please. Please... Hurry up. Please...

Dan made a sound when I accidentally stroked his lips and I realised he tried to say something. I moved my ear to his mouth so I cold hear him, but kept my eyes locked to his.

'I'm... sorry' he gasped and then he closed his eyes for the last time ever.


End file.
